Speed Saunders: The Grogan Case (Grogan's Run)

When last we left Speed Saunders in his conflict with the counterfeit ring, he'd

locked the print guy in the closet, 

Where I am sure he won't get hurt.
Assuming Speed remembers to get him out.

shot the gunsel who was sick of living in Grogan's shadow, 

"No, it wasn't me, it was GEORGE GLASS...!"

and started Dave Grogan on a merry chase we'll call Grogan's Run.

Keep staring at this panel.
Now.
Tell me, 
how long did it take you to realize that Grogan is vaulting over the fence BACKWARDS, in defiance of all physics?  Wouldn't think such a bulky guy would be an urban parkour expert.

Grogan's Run is a cleverer ploy than it might seem at first, since Speed always shadow-travels, tesseracts, skis, or uses the Speedmobile.  I'm not sure we have evidence Speed even knows how to WALK let alone run.  I'm sure he CAN, but he probably has to sing "Put One Foot In Front Of The Other" just to keep a steady pace;  The Shield he ain't.

"Gus"? Who the grawlixes is GUS?!?!

Wondering where the heck Grogan's Run leads to, since the hideout is blown?  It leads ourobourotically back to the beginning of the story:

Well, since it's a "stationary" store, no wonder he stayed put.

Not to be all judgey (since that Speed's job), but it seems like an odd time to pop in to buy cigarettes again.  Or maybe Grogan has guessed that Papa Bodega sicced Speed on him?  Hm.

OH. "Gus" is PAPA BODEGA.
That makes sense, then.

Phew! Luckily Speed managed to One-Step fast enough to stop Grogan from killing Gus!

...
Wait.
... Whut?

I... don't; I can't...

Gus is... THE HEAD OF THE COUNTERFEIT GANG?!

EVERYONE SHOOTS EVERYONE ELSE

Speedslain THIS, Saunders!

No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

WHY DOES NO ONE HAVE DOOR LOCKS?!

I... have read a lot of Speed Saunders stories.

I have seen goldfish marked with morse code, a little boy killed three different ways, people assassinated by surrealist art installations, random Persian jewels dropped at Speed's dinner table, stomach pumping, skiing scarecrows, crescent dresses, French maids who overshare, ambiguously monogrammed hand-kerchiefs, cross-dressing emerald thieves, (extra-)poisonous cigarettes, thudding sickening thumps, 45 caliber Chinese curtains, and things I've never ever shared with you, like killer bees, voodoo murders, exploding bowling balls, hypnotized snakes, and woolly mammoths.

But, no matter how bizarre, I don't think any of those stories can outdo the pure, raw illogicality of this mundane counterfeiting story.

LET'S RECAP:

These are the opening panels of The Grogan Case. It was only five pages ago, mind you.

If Gus is the head of the counterfeiting ring then...

why is Grogan trying to give him a counterfeit bill?

Why are they pretending they don't know each other?

Why is Gus surprised at this bill?

FOR WHOM ARE THEY PUTTING ON THIS TRANSQUARTOMURALISTIC CHARADE, OTHER THAN US, THE READERS, OF WHOM THEY CANNOT BE AWARE?!?!?!

No, Speed Saunders. No, Fred Guardineer. I love you both, but...you have crossed a line this time.

Oh, and it's spelled "STATIONERY"!

Speed Saunders: The Grogan Case (Grogan, Grogan, Grogan!)

 As always, Speed's magic fingers have uncovered a secret panel.

Yeah, that's a lot more efficient than, say, a LOCK.

I understand why SPEED doesn't know what a door lock is, because he seldom uses DOORS.  But you'd think the counterfeiters might.  I suppose they considered a swinging false wall more THEMATIC.

"Well, all I hear all day long at school is how GREAT Grogan is at this or how wonderful Grogan did that.
Grogan, Grogan, GROGAN!"

I note that Speed decided to question Inky here AFTER he'd gagged him and must have had to take the gag OFF and then put it back ON before he stuffed him in a closet, all in between panels in the interest of saving time. 

Wait, so the CLOSET has a lock, but the house and room don't?  
Whatever, Speed.

Before Speed can literally manufacture some more evidence at the counterfeiters' printing press, the non-locked outside door gets used, activating their Batgirl Wall.

They are surprisingly common in Gotham.

"What in the world is THIS?! Revolving walls?! Hidden rooms?!"

Then enters Dave Grogan Grogan Grogan (who you'd think might have been arrested for passing counterfeit bills, but NO, because every time he turns around the teachers at school hand him a blue ribbon or something) and another guy whose name you don't need to learn.

But I bet he's tired of living in Grogan's shadow all the time. 

Speed's overall disguise does not sufficiently disguise him overall:

HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW SPEED'S NAME BY THIS POINT?!

Well, he won't have to live in Grogan's shadow any more.
Or at all.

"Come back, Grogan, your mother and I need to have a talk with you!"

Grogan may not be able to remember Speed's name, but he DOES remember that Speed doesn't really know how doors work, so using a DOOR to exit the room is a good ploy for slowing Speed down in confusion, and Speed can't tesseract to a MOVING target.  No wonder Grogan gets all those blue ribbons at school.

But WHERE is Grogan headed...?  The story only has one more page, so he can't get far...!

Tomorrow: Where Grogan Heads (and the Speedsplanation!)

Speed Saunders: The Grogan Case (A Seamless Transition)

Disguised in his overalls, Speed advances carefully through the counterfeiters' lair.

Guess they got a new door after Speed atomized the previous one.

I like to stop and wonder where Speed got overalls. You know he doesn't own any. I bet he simply walked into the very first store he passed, which turned out to be a garden center, and bought the first thing he saw in his size. Think of the time he saved!

No closet jokes; Speed deserves better.

Right on time, Central Casting sends in the least reputable-looking counterfeiter-type on their books.

SURE HOPE NO ONE IS IN, SAY, THE CLOSET, LISTENING TO ME COMPLAIN ABOUT MY OCCASIONALLY INTERRUPTED COUNTERFEITING JOB.

Oh, I see now. Speed's wearing the SAME outfit as the counterfeiter.  Like the extra-terrestrial saying "I SHALL PASS AMONG THEM  UNDETECTED."  As if anyone's not going to recognize Speed Saunders!

Huh. I guess he doesn't recognize Speed Saunders.
Must be the overalls.

Again, Speed reassures the crook that he won't get hurt.  Speed's actually pretty nice when he's not shooting you.

Then Speed does what he certainly could have done the first time he entered the room; looks for he secret catch that activates The Revolving Wall, because OF COURSE there is a revolving wall.

If Speed says that something MUST BE, then the universe will make sure it happens, because the universe is not ABOUT to get on Speed Saunders' bad side.

Turns out it's... pretty easy to spot. It's the thing that looks like a secret latch.

Ace Investigators can distinguish SUSPICIOUS wall buttons from innocent ones with practiced ease.

After all, this isn't Speed's go round with

secret

panels.

Suddenly a rotating section of the wall magically has NO SEAMS.

I wonder whether it conveys.

Tomorrow: SPEED TRAP!

Speed Saunders: The Grogan Case (What the Ace Investigator Saw)

In yesterday's post we challenged you to guess which of his traditional methods Speed would use to track down the counterfeiters' hideout. Did you pick:

A. wake the Dean / consult a counterfeiting expert;

B. do some research at the Central Library;

C. happen upon a Useful And Attractive Female Informant; or

D. use his Face Of Judgement on Grogan to get him to spill the beans?

Well, if you picked any of these answers, you are, of course, completely incorrect. The answer is E. None of the Above.  Remember, the hint was: Speed always chooses his actions in the interest of TIME.  And the most time-saving move is simply:

to happen immediately upon the hideout completely by accident.  Yes, really.

Sounds like a printing press?  What does THAT sound like?  How do you know this, Speed?  Is it the anti-crime computer hat?

Despite what you may think, I didn't skip any panels here, but Speed sure did. He is simply immediately pictured wandering down some alley, overhearing the apparently unmistakable Sounds of A Counterfeiter's Printing Press.  Think of the time he saved!

Time he spent getting a warrant? BWHAHAHAHa. No.

He just climbs the fence and pokes his nose in the window.

I think I'd be more interested in the story behind the abandoned bra and panties in the garbage can. Because a DRAG counterfeiting gang is DELIGHTFULLY apropos.

 

And what does Speed see? Exactly what he had hoped!

Not only is the counterfeiter making only $10 bills, he seems to making them one at a time.
Tsk tsk; so time-wasting!

Speed is HYPED. He'll just bruise in and arrest the guy and the case will be solved in record time.   Think of the time he'll save!

Well, technically, counterfeit bills aren't "goods", Speed. They are "bads", if anything. You USE them to buy goods. But we get your gist.

And what does he find? Is it:

A.  The counterfeiter he saw through the window, with his machine;

B.  Dave Grogan, still nursing a sore jaw;

C.  Papa Bodega, turning out to be the mastermind;

D.  The counterfeiter, but without any bills or equipment.

The answer is E. None of the Above. He finds exactly nothing.

I am just going to assume that the act of Speed "bursting in" with his accustomed vigor obliterated the door into sawdust and shattered the wall plaster. Possibly it atomized the counterfeiter and his equipment, too.

Well, that's strange.  Speed tesseracts immediately to Commissioner Nameless's office to complain about having wasted his time bursting into an empty room.

"Glad to see you had the walls painted, Commissioner; I guess I was wrong about you."

Commissioner Nameless doesn't provide any insight or help or back-up.  Not even a "good luck".  Obviously an ELECTED Police Commissioner.

Realizing that his usual purple Glenurquhart check suit is perhaps not the best outfit for stealth, Speed dons a clever disguise!

Oh, DOES it, Speed? Because THAT's what matters; how your disguise FEELS.

Speed may be an Ace Investigator but he's no Madame Fatale.  He's not accustomed to disguises because everyone ALWAYS recognizes Speed Saunders.  

TOMORROW: Speed infiltrates the hideout!

Speed Saunders: The Grogan Case (at The Bantam Club)

Yesterday, Speed Saunders announced that he was going to The Bantam Club "at once", meaning he's there in medias res in the very next panel:

Hm. I guess their Beyond Earth faction chose the Harmony Affinity because they look quite at home in  all that miasma.

Why is an (apparently) well known felon like Dave Grogan voluntarily playing cards with the best known (and possibly only) Ace Investigator of all time, Speed Saunders?  Well, it's unlikely and odd but... think of the time it saves!

Speed is there to win some fake tenspots in a poker game from Grogan.

The size of a standard poker card is 2.5"x3.5", meaning Grogan's got some mitts on him.

Next we learn that Speed is greedy (at least for evidence).

When say a character "sees" something while he plays poker, are you being wittily ambiguous, writer Fred Guardineer?

Then we learn that Speed cheats at cards.

It's delightfully humanizing that, although Speed uses his god-like reality-manipulating powers to give himself a good poker hand, he flubs it by giving himself five Five Of Clubs.

Quick with his wits, Speed lampshades the absurdity of his five of a kind, and confuses Grogan by claiming that he, TOO, is the victim of some card-dealing shenangigans.

Just kidding. Actually, he simply socks Grogan in the jaw.

I don't know why Speed would bother to cheat, except that it gives him an excuse to halt the game. It's needlessly violet, but, hey, think of the time he saves!

Probably cause? Um; yeah; sure.  It's sure faster than getting a warrant.

I doubt that Speed himself has the Tier 3 "Alien Hybridization" tech that would allow him to breathe that noisome miasma which seems native to the felons. So I imagine that Speed has simply chosen NOT TO BREATHE for the duration of his visit to The Bantam Club, because as an instantiated abstract ideal, breathing is optional for him.  Anyway, Speed breathlessly snags the evidence he wants from Grogan's billfold and backs out the door like a Western bandit robbing a frontier bank.

"Um, it's a little late for that, Speed, you already socked Grogan SO HARD in the left side of his face, that even the RIGHT SIDE appears to be in pain."

Speed takes the bills to an Unnamed Authority Figure whose job it is to confirm Speed's rightness and emit exposition.

Ignoring the Commissioner's statement of the obvious issue, Speed gives him a stern off-panel lecture about the atrocious color of his office walls, warning him to get that fixed soon or Speed will be taking his evidence to some OTHER unnamed authority figure with better taste.

What does Speed do next to track down the mastermind behind the counterfeit ring? If you are a reader of this blog, you have some familiarity with his methods; take a guess! Does Speed:

1. wake the Dean / consult a counterfeiting expert;
2. do some research at the Central Library;
3. happen upon a Useful And Attractive Female Informant; or
4. use his Face Of Judgement on Grogan to get him to spill the beans?

Reminder: Speed's decisions are always made with the desire to save time.

 

Speed Saunders: The Grogan Case

 MEANWHILE, in Detective Comics #19:

Not to be confused with the SMILER Grogan Case.

For some reason, the Smiler Grogan Case is filed under "W".

It begins with that most unseemly of locations: a bodega on the Lower East Side.

Look, Speed doesn't have TIME for you to figure out the plot, so it's front-loaded in exposition.  AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!

Our rushed Runyonesques may be rough-hewn, but nothing seems amiss.

<William Dozier voice>: "Or DOES it?! What's THIS?!"

"C-c-cash? I'm sorry, did you forget your phone or your credit card?  I...I am not sure what to do with th is, how was it called.... 'bill'."  Okay, you got me, this is 1937 and people still recognized paper currency.  The clerk's hesitance is because the bill seems... DUBIOUS.

This is Dave "High Dudgeon" Grogan, Smiler's much touchier cousin.

The customer (he's the Grogan the case is named after) is peeved and who can blame him?  If you were wearing a hat two sizes too small shoved onto you enormous cranium like Sam Simeon, you'd be crabby too.  But Papa Bodega is quick on the uptake and takes the safe course:

"I apologize, sir; it just took me by surprise because counterfeiters seldom have such bold fashion sense."

SO, someone is trying to get rich quick using phony sawbucks, eh?  Naturally, Papa Bodega immediately contacts

SPEED SAUNDERS. PERSONALLY.

"Yes, 'at once'. you ninny, it's Speed Saunders, everything must be done IMMEDIATELY."

My first reaction is: really? I'm not surprised Papa Bodega knows Speed Saunders, because EVERYONE knows Speed Saunders.Speed Saunders, finder of corpses, locator of giant jewels, savior of rare Oriental artifacts, and scourge of middle eastern death cults.  But this is who you need to deal with your fake ten-spot?  Still, it's hard to gainsay, since, as an Ace Investigator, Speed's purview and authority are universal.  Tear that tag off that mattress and you may find yourself taking the Big Sleep after Speed exposes you and pumps you full of lead five pages later.

And, sure enough, Speed does show up, no doubt tessaracting immediately to the scene, in the interest of time.

I think this caption provides the key, not to this story, but to Speed Saunders AS A WHOLE.  It's a mistake to think of Speed Saunders as a PERSON.  He's more like an instantiation of the CONCEPT of law enforcement.  This is why his authority is recognized and accepted everywhere and why he outranks any OTHER authority figure he encounters: he is not AN authority figure, he is The Figure of Authority.  A sort of "Speed Force", as it were, because Justice is swift.

And terribly dressed.

Papa Bodega lays out the case:

In all seriousness, it's important to remember that ten dollars had a lot more purchasing power in 1937.  Online inflation calculators put the value at some $217 in 2024 dollars, which is... insane, because who buys some cigarettes with two $100 bills?!

Naturally, Speed Saunders is way ahead of Papa Bodega because Speed Saunders is way ahead OF EVERYONE.

Speed Fact: Speed's hat is actually a powerful mobile anti-crime computer, feeding such information directly into his brain and empowered by the sheet circuitry visibly woven into his purple Glenurquhart check suit).  You don't want to know what the tie does.

Speed already knows who the criminal is and exactly where he can be found because that simply SAVES TIME.  He's the Vernon "Hinesy" Hines of law enforcement.

They even dress the same.

Tomorrow we'll visit The Bantam Club because

Speed is already there.  Way ahead of us.